someone shoot me please...

Daddy, what is it You're trying to tell me? what is it You want me to do? sometimes i just wished You'd just tell me right in my face...scold me if You have to...slap me if You need to...dig out my heart and smash it into pieces so that i would not feel, so that i would not need to love, so that i would not hurt myself...i don't understand, Daddy. Why did You let it happen? Why is it that You've given and i've gone deep into it, then You take it away? i noe that You have the right to take it away because You are the one that gave. it's painful, Daddy. i'm still feeling the pain. i'm still not over it yet. i still cant let go and move on completely...it's not been long, yet i cant really get it off my mind, yet i cant let go and move on. mayb i'm just too stubborn. mayb i just don't want to let go and forget. mayb i'm still hoping for a better tomorrow? it's the kinda feeling where it's just pain plus numbness. it's like i don't know what to feel anymore. i don't believe i've really felt like this before. i don't know Daddy...it's hard...teach me how to rid this stubbornness plz?




















to you,
i don't know what u're REALLY thinking about. i'm just here when u need to talk. i'm here when you want to be yourself. i've always been. you know that too. i just hope you'd stop hurting yourself. i just hope you'd stop killing that beautiful person that's in you. i just hope you'd stop being who others think you are. you need to care bout yourself too. cant you be selfish and think bout yourself for a bit? it hurts me to see you hurting yourself. it hurts me to see you doing things you don't really wanna do. it hurts me to see you forcing yourself. it hurts me to see you struggling to forget. do you really need to? sometimes i really just wanna be selfish myself too. but it just seems wrong. i cant do it anymore. it would only hurt you more. it would only hurt me more. i cant seem to forget...u know u wont be able to forget either. not that way at least...not that way...


-bea-

p/s: are YOU done with me yet? plz say yesssss...plzzzz...a car at 160km/h would be good. or a 250km/h bullet would be good too. mayb an epidemic? or a free fly from 20,000 feet above sea level? come on...i cant be thaaaat lucky...sighz... (that suicidal feeling...heh.)