.unknown.

i'm strong yet i'm weak. many people seem to think that i'm strong. i'm actually pretty weak. vulnerable is the word. fragile is the cousin. i hurt easily. i get disappointed easily. i get tired easily. words kill me like a double edged sword cutting through your chest. it's a shocker to many, i know. but hey! i'm human too.

many people admire my strength. be it physical strength, emotional strength, mental strength even spiritual strength. i don't know why people think like that. i don't know how i seem to be sending that kind of vibe. many people admire the stands that i make. even more when i'm able to hold on to my stands. what many people don't know is the struggle behind it. the repeated failures. how many times i've wanted to give up.

the one reason that's been keeping me sane and strong has been the BIG Guy up there! Daddy never fails to carry me up whenever i fall. no matter how many times i've failed Him, He doesn't give up on me as quickly as i do myself. i guess He's not done with me yet huh? all the strength people see in me, of how strong i am, it's really not me. i'm weak. but He that is within me is strong. what people saw of me is really actually Daddy. cant take credit for what is not me.

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for the contemporary:

Isaiah 40:27-31 (The Message)

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,

or, whine, Israel, saying,

"GOD has lost track of me.

He doesn't care what happens to me"?

Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?

GOD doesn't come and go. God lasts.

He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.

He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.

And he knows everything, inside and out.

He energizes those who get tired,

gives fresh strength to dropouts.

For even young people tire and drop out,

young folk in their prime stumble and fall.

But those who wait upon GOD get fresh strength.

They spread their wings and soar like eagles,

They run and don't get tired,

they walk and don't lag behind.

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for the not so contemporary:

Isaiah 40:27-31 (New King James Version)

Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:

“My way is hidden from the LORD,
And my just claim is passed over by my God”?
Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

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if not for Daddy, i'd prolly have committed suicide many times. you can now use your right hand to push your jaws back up already. don't be too shocked bout this :) yes, i've always have suicidal thoughts ever since i was young. i think it started since i was in primary school. that feeling comes on and off. of course i don't get it all the time even when i'm feeling happy la. it only comes when certain bombs hit my life. i guess Daddy's been using my suicidal thoughts to make me a stronger person. sometimes, it might be me hiding behind a mask - a strong front but once my back is turned, once behind doors, i start to cry to Daddy.

i noe Daddy's doing something in my life :) i noe Daddy's been holding my hand. time and time again Daddy's been healing me. someone once told me, wounds can be healed but scars will not go away. Daddy can heal scars :) even scars on our hands and legs and wherever can be healed. scars of life can definately be healed! :) although some scars has not been healed completely, these scars helps me to see life in a different way, these scars reminds me of of the countless failures and with that try to be a better person, these scars reminds me of the good times, the happy times, the blessed times, the treasured moments of life with friends and family. yes, believe it or not, some of my scars are good scars :)

Daddy's also been helping me be as optimistic as i can be, think positive in every situation. some people may find it a lil corny. some say i'm bluffing myself. but no matter what people say, it wont stop me from being positive. because i've seen what being positive has done to me. it makes life more interesting and happy. the power of our mind can either kill us or build us. just for the record, i'm not trying to bluff myself for it makes me really happy to be positive and to complain less. mayb that's what it means by joy. even in times of sadness there's still joy and all.

i'll stop here for now. so long! heh. train of thoughts have been lost due to some interruption waves to the brains.


-bea-